Events

Working With Maternal Ambivalence 

Maternal ambivalence refers to the normal experience of mothers having mixed feelings towards their children and about motherhood. Throughout history and across cultures, mothers have been placed on a pedestal and expected to be an endlessly self-sacrificing fountain of love, support, and nurturance. Yet such idealized images do not reflect the reality that mothers are human beings who experience deep and complex feelings towards their children. When cultural ideals collide with this reality, it can leave mothers feeling anxious, guilty, and ashamed. British psychoanalyst Rozsika Parker wrote extensively about maternal ambivalence (1995), and she emphasized that the ambivalent feelings are not the problem; rather it is the defenses mothers use to block or disavow those feelings, and the anxiety about having them in the first place, that lead to suffering.

Therapists are not immune to cultural ideologies about how mothers should feel and may therefore avoid talking about negative feelings towards children or become anxious when the darker side of maternal emotional life shows up in session. This presentation is designed to help therapists become more comfortable with helping their clients, both mothers and fathers, face and accept their mixed feelings towards their children. 

In this 2-hour presentation, Dr. Pollack will first provide brief research evidence demonstrating the healing power of airing these feelings in therapy. Next, she will teach participants how to help mothers face these feelings in session, drawing on theory and techniques from Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP). She will include video-recorded vignettes demonstrating work with mothers as they confront and process their mixed feelings and let go of maladaptive defenses. Finally, the workshop will conclude with group discussion about the challenges of working with maternal ambivalence in session, including client resistance and therapists’ own anxieties regarding these feelings.

Parker, R. (1995). Torn in two: The experience of maternal ambivalence. Virago Press.

By the end of this presentation, participants will be able to:

1. Define maternal ambivalence and describe how cultural ideals about motherhood contribute to anxiety, shame, and defensive processes in parents.
    
2. Identify common defensive strategies mothers (and fathers) use to block or disavow mixed feelings toward their children, drawing on Parker’s framework and psychodynamic theory.
    
3. Apply ISTDP-informed interventions to help clients face, regulate, and work through ambivalent feelings toward their children in session.

About the Speaker:

Deborah Pollack, Ph.D. is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Utica University and a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice with over twenty years’ experience providing psychodynamic psychotherapy. She specializes in Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) and is certified as a Teacher and Supervisor by the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association (IEDTA). Dr. Pollack has published on maternal ambivalence and ISTDP, trains clinicians nationally and internationally, and presents regularly on ISTDP and psychodynamic theory. She is President of the Central New York Psychological Association, President-elect of the IEDTA, Lead Editor of the Journal of Contemporary ISTDP, and creator and host of the podcast: Deconstructing Davanloo (with Maury Joseph).